« References

Sheril Mathews, Frustration Tolerance.

Sheril Mathews, “Frustration Tolerance: An Essential for Surviving Large Orgs,” January 16, 2025, https://www.leadingsapiens.com/frustration-tolerance/.

Reading notes.

Frustration tolerance is what separates people who can be successful in a large organization from those who can’t hack it. This isn’t patience exactly, it includes ability to focus on the goal while navigating other people.

Psychological definition of frustration is an interfered goal and subsequent dissatisfaction. Impacted by the language of expectation vs reality.

Those with it expect things to go poorly and prepare to cope with it in advance. Those without are surprised and incapable of tolerance—rather accept the frustration rather than deal with the difficulties of changes for the longer-term goal. Have “anxiety about anxiety”, avoiding situations they assume would make them anxious.

Leaders with low frustration tolerance:

  • abandon initiatives early
  • react disproportionately to challenges
  • create a tense environment through their emotional disregulation

Root cause is 4 irrational beliefs, characterized by how things “should” be, how others “must” act, how one “must” perform.

  1. Demands for comfort and ease: expectations that no process or interaction should be challenging to deal with. Leads to avoidance or avoiding growth opportunities.
  2. Demands for fairness and entitlement: demands for more recognition, leading to resentment and conflict. Victim mentality will hurt teamwork and prevent growth in leaders.
  3. Demands for achievement and perfectionism: unrealistic high standards perfectionism creates procrastination and unending projects. Delegation suffers, burnout proliferates, and innovation is prevented.
  4. Demands for emotional control and certainty: refusal to tolerate negative emotions or uncertainty. This stoic behavior leads to cultures where vulnerability is weakness and performers never ask for help, whereby burning themselves out.

Understanding that friction at work isn’t just inevitable but actually desirable helps one learn to wield it for their own intentions.